Transfiguration Morning…

Blued-eyed sky and Sunlight

There is Peace here.
This morning the sky is blued-eyed — cloudless and bright…  sunlight has clothed the wetland wood across my gravel road and every green hue is alive with  its touch.
It is an August morning — the Feast of the Transfiguration — and my world awoke to this quiet beauty — the breathing of the sea-tides echoing in my chest… the rise and fall of my own rhythm — my heart keeping the beat.

I am sitting in this Quiet.
There are dishes waiting in my sink — remnants of a quick dinner before writing my paper that was due at midnight… they have been patient and will soon be clean again, but they are quiet as they wait.
The boys have had their morning meds with breakfast, the cats are resting from their nocturnal play…
In this moment nothing is clamoring for my attention.

I can feel this new day washing over my corner of the world — what is this magic that keeps us spinning through time — ever forward, ever onward? Is it this Quiet – this Foundation-of-Everything holding us all together? It is holding me here — cradling us all, just waiting to be recognized… to be known.

“If today you hear His voice, harden not your hearts.”

Inside, we’re all longing to be mystics — longing to know and be known — to sit in the Silence of ourselves surrounded by the bustle and noise of living. We’re all yearning for connection — to have Light clothe us in our innate hues and reveal our beauty to the world. Can’t you see the brightness of summer’s-light in the eyes of those around you? We’re all seeking Communion… Be gentle in your gaze — soft, compassionate eyes are the key to sight here.  Be kind, and See.

“Be still, and know…”


Sea-Songs and Silence…

John O’Donahue’s To Bless the Space Between Us – “Before Sleep”

John O’Donahue… “As I lay down to sleep…”

It’s been a long day – most of it spent writing a Shakespeare paper and cleaning the house a bit. I’ll admit one of those things was given more of my attention than the other… (Don’t look too closely at the state of the house!)  :)
I am ready to let my eyes be “freed from the weight of light” soon. They are heavy and weary – tomorrow will be too soon to open them, I can already tell. But they will open to a brand new Sunday, and I will be off to play for Mass — to hear a room full of voices raised in song together… Not trained voices meant to impress, but voices raised for the joy of it — everyday people with everyday struggles… together to sing and pray and share Eucharist together. Eucharisteo – the Thanksgiving. So much to be grateful for…

The sea is waiting to greet me when I get to St. Mary’s tomorrow. I can hear her from my bed tonight — the low rumbling in and out of her tides — breathing, dancing with the shore to the rhythm of the moon.  She will continue her gentle song while I lie in bed tonight – surrounded by my current books, a cat on guard on either side. I will hear her constant presence behind my prayers as my mind wanders the shadows of night… when the way within becomes too loud, I will stop and silence the inner noise with the sound of her presence in the world beyond myself. She brings me back to solid ground when my mind trips into the chaos of worry — those three o’clock in the morning thoughts which are more asleep than awake. It’s hard to quiet my mind when it is tired… But the sound of the sea easily drowns the thoughts that visit without permission. She fills my prayers with her song…

So grateful for the sea-song and my little home here.


Of Silence and Soul-Fruit – Take Courage…


It isn’t often that we have the opportunity to take a day for reflection and the cultivation of quiet. Today was not that day — today I took The Philosopher to a doc appointment, rescheduled an appointment I would have had, and was able to spend some time with my sister and her boys (definitely the highlight of the day). Quiet was not in the cards by any stretch of the imagination today.

But I am still internally processing all the silence my soul rested in yesterday. Many times when you attend a retreat there will be conscious periods of quiet… times when you can welcome Silence in as a soul-friend. You can learn a lot from Silence. During one of these points we were journaling after the reading of a poem – answering questions, listening to what bubbles up from inside when you ask a question and simply wait for your internal response. I found myself looking at the question from a broader perspective.

We were exploring the idea of knowing when you’re going in the “right direction” in this work of hospice… But in the quiet, my heart took the question and expanded it. When do you know you’re going in the “right direction”, period? What does it mean to “go in the right direction? In my mind’s eye I saw a compass, but a compass is useless unless you know where you’re going. And so often in life we feel like we’re in the dark — we don’t know where we’re going, we don’t know exactly where we are, we can feel so blinded by the circumstances of life  — by our sorrows and struggles — we don’t feel like we can even see our hands clasped in front of us in prayer. How do we know we’re going in the “right direction” then?

Deep within me I heard an echo of an old childhood song taken from Galatians 5:22…

“Love,  Joy,  Peace,  Patience,  Kindness,  Goodness,  Faithfulness, Gentleness, and  Self-Control…”

These are known as the Fruit of the Spirit… (Sometimes I wonder where this fruit is in the world today…)

Any gardener will tell you that fruit only grows where there is enough light. If the Light of Life is our goal — truly living it — we must be able to find it even we can’t see… I realized that following this soul-fruit can help us feel the Path even when our eyes are blinded by life’s Dark moments.  You don’t have to see to know love, or peace, or kindness, or joy — all these Fruit are easily recognizable to us… but they don’t grow out of nothing. They require Light and Nourishment – like everything that grows. Even if we feel lost in our inner darkness – if we “follow the fruit” we can know we’re moving toward the Light – moving in the “right direction”. As we strive to experience them more and more in our lives, then we can see where we are, what we should be doing, and what direction to go — even if we don’t necessarily understand why, or what is around the next corner.

“Embrace your grief for there your soul will grow.” Carl Jung

Mother Teresa suffered deeply from an interior darkness, but the Fruit of the Spirit remained a constant in her life. This is why everyone around her could see the Light of Life living in her — even when she couldn’t see it herself, and she was able to trust the direction her life was going, even when she didn’t understand it. She could follow blindly because she trusted blindly… she knew Love.

Love is not tame — but it is Good…As C.S. Lewis put it:

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

“Courage, dear heart.” The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

We can Trust that where the Fruit is — there is the Light… take courage

I am grateful…

  1. loving, slobbery kisses from Little One…
  2. Little Boy getting a haircut — he always looks so much older every time it’s cut!
  3. Dr. Thom… I’m so, so thankful to have found him and his osteopathy…
  4. The Philosopher doing so much better after his appointment today…
  5. gluten free pumpkin cheesecake from my hubby! :)
  6. clean kitchen…
  7. healing touch…
  8. Pat-me snoring beside me on the couch… :)
  9. journals and silence…
  10. teddy bear stuffed and put together waiting for his baby boy snuggles!!

It’s all Grace…