Transfiguration Morning…

Blued-eyed sky and Sunlight

There is Peace here.
This morning the sky is blued-eyed — cloudless and bright…  sunlight has clothed the wetland wood across my gravel road and every green hue is alive with  its touch.
It is an August morning — the Feast of the Transfiguration — and my world awoke to this quiet beauty — the breathing of the sea-tides echoing in my chest… the rise and fall of my own rhythm — my heart keeping the beat.

I am sitting in this Quiet.
There are dishes waiting in my sink — remnants of a quick dinner before writing my paper that was due at midnight… they have been patient and will soon be clean again, but they are quiet as they wait.
The boys have had their morning meds with breakfast, the cats are resting from their nocturnal play…
In this moment nothing is clamoring for my attention.

I can feel this new day washing over my corner of the world — what is this magic that keeps us spinning through time — ever forward, ever onward? Is it this Quiet – this Foundation-of-Everything holding us all together? It is holding me here — cradling us all, just waiting to be recognized… to be known.

“If today you hear His voice, harden not your hearts.”

Inside, we’re all longing to be mystics — longing to know and be known — to sit in the Silence of ourselves surrounded by the bustle and noise of living. We’re all yearning for connection — to have Light clothe us in our innate hues and reveal our beauty to the world. Can’t you see the brightness of summer’s-light in the eyes of those around you? We’re all seeking Communion… Be gentle in your gaze — soft, compassionate eyes are the key to sight here.  Be kind, and See.

“Be still, and know…”

#augustmorning
#feastoftransfiguration
#quiet
#bekindandsee
#bestillandknow

Breathe…

St. Mary’s after Mass and my front porch this evening

The tide was out this morning after Mass — I stood briefly on the bluff in front of St. Mary’s to close my eyes and feel its rhythm…  the breeze on my face heavy with the scent of the sea. Then it was time to get home and bring Eucharist to my boys — a bit of Thanksgiving and Peace for the week ahead.

The day has been spent in Quiet – my Shakespeare paper finished yesterday meant today was free to simply straighten our home a little and just rest…

This evening I am sitting here on the porch — the sun gentle on my shoulders and face now as it heads towards meeting with the sea — together they will paint the sky and the far horizon with the coming sunset. It was harsh at midday today — even with the breeze — but now there is a softness in its warmth as the day draws to a close.  Sitting here, the sound of the sea is a comforting roar in my chest — the tide was at its height not long ago and it still sounds like it. The breeze off the sea is stronger tonight than it was this morning – dancing with the leaves in the trees, making the shadows shimmer – every once in awhile a gust whips my hair around my face and fills my lungs with the fullness of the seaside in the summer… sun-warmed grasses and sand, the lake and creeks nearby, the heat of the roads in the area, the wet-earth and bracken of the woods… and of course — the sea.

Breathe.
Can you feel its rhythm — can you hear its echo inside as the tide of your own breath fills your lungs with life?

We all breathe the same air.  We’re all rocked to the rhythm of our heartbeats — all the same… all living and loving on land that eventually meets the sea. Love is the only appropriate response to the beauty of our shared humanity – our shared rhythm of life.

Breathe.
There’s still hope for us.

#searhythm
#hopeforus
#breathetogether
#onehumanity

Reasons to Smile…

Jasper and Dante

These two make me smile…

There aren’t enough reasons to smile right now. I will admit this weekend has gone by too quickly – I still don’t feel recovered from last week… Phone calls with people in tears… their loved ones in separate hospitals across the metro area because we never know what hospital will have room when they leave in the ambulance – hospitals contact loved ones at home later to let them know where their family members are… it’s a family’s worst nightmare. They watch their loved ones be driven away with plummetting oxygen levels, scared, and alone amid the EMTs and medical equipment. They are isolated at home to try to limit the spread.

We do what we can… But it doesn’t feel like enough.

At Mass this morning, sitting at the piano as the pews filled — you could feel the heavy hearts we all carried. Every face masked in solidarity and compassion for all those around us… This world needs more of the love those faces surrounding me showed. We are all doing what we can…

I will wake up and begin the week all over again tomorrow. So tonight I am sitting in the quiet pretending these moments before bed won’t end. I am escaping with stories and knitting… listening to the sound of the sea through the open window… sipping decaf coffee curled up with a snuggly blanket and admiring the peaceful sleep of these cats who help make this house a home.

In the darkness of this world, I am so grateful for the light of Home…

Gratitude and Graces…

  • Cats with nine lives – still making me smile (and the vets who saved them)…
  • Waves crashing in rhythm and roar…
  • The Professor and The Philosopher laughing together like when they were young boys…
  • My Mister and I fixing the washing machine (yay for YouTube!)…
  • Sea air on a summer night – windows open wide…
  • Early morning drives to Mass…
  • Silent prayers on Sunday mornings…
  • Sourdough bread and baked chicken…
  • Library books and warm coffee mugs…

It’s all Grace.

#coastalcats
#homeiswherethelightis
#publichealthnurse
#heavyhearts
#maskinginlove
#reasonstosmile

Alone Together…

It’s a beautiful, raining, coastal morning… No work today… I’m curled up in a blanket with a heating pad on my back, a cup of hot coffee, and a book… I am pretending there is no public health disaster sweeping the country.

I picked up this book because of its title — I brought it home because of the story this memoir shares… I don’t really have a tribe — but of course we all want one… we all want a small group of friends who have an inkling of what our own struggles are like — but so often we never meet others who struggle in the same ways we do. I don’t know other parents of adult autistic sons who have become physically disabled in young adulthood… I don’t know other women who’ve had a stroke in their twenties and have felt like they are behind in life ever since… (I really basically lost a decade recovering due to misdiagnosis.) I don’t know any other women in their 40s still wanting to finish a bachelor degree — while balancing all of life and working in global pandemic… I don’t even have any close women my age who share my Faith, or my love for the written word… Though I have a few old friends who have known me since my childhood — when I think of them… I smile – I remember…

Mid-life is one of those times when you realize again how uniquely alone we all are — with our thoughts and our prayers, our hopes and our inner-lives. Especially as an introvert. I am grateful for my husband — I might not have a tribe, but we have each other and so many of our struggles are the same. We have been carrying crosses together for many years now…

“It is not good for man to be alone…” Gen. 2:18.

Still counting it All Grace…

  • Soft naked kitty belly curled up in my arms…
  • Voices raised to the melody of my piano playing…
  • Miracle pills unwillingly swallowed by Old Cat every day… still alive and kicking (literally)…
  • Dishes piled high and bellies full…
  • Soft prayers whispered in the dark to the fingering of Rosary beads…
  • Beautiful books…
  • Esperanto fun…
  • Heating pads, favorite mugs, and open windows with sea air
  • Crashing waves in the rain…
  • New doctors and fresh hope…

Grace amidst the chaos.

#oftribesandaloneness #booksrainandcoffee #alonetogether #carryingcrosses #heatingpadsandfavoritemugs #publichealthnursedayoff #rainymorningcozyandquiet https://www.instagram.com/p/CSSF4YeFignwp-dkSjWw6t5NrzjiuWJgt8gtdc0/?utm_medium=share_sheet

Peace and Quiet…

IMG_20180306_235445_951.jpg

I keep thinking that I’m going to be able to put up posts here on a more regular basis, but life just keeps charging ahead and days pass before I even realize where they’ve gone. Yesterday I spent the entire day writing pieces for work, which meant that the house required a lot of attention for the first half of my day today. Then it was time to practice the music for Saturday evening which took up the rest of the afternoon, but I’m feeling much more comfortable with it now. I’ll work on it a little bit tomorrow and then just leave it and let what will be, be. This instrument and I have been sharing music with others since I was 12 — I think we can handle this (and my hubby will have my back with vocals)… :)

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Life might move too quickly to allow me to post regularly, but that doesn’t mean that there’s no time for peace — it just means that I take the moments of quiet and calm seriously, and I don’t necessarily feel the need to fill them with more requirements like writing a “post” or keeping up with social media. What I miss out on in digital connection with the outside world, I make up for with time snatched from the jaws of “busyness” for quieting my soul.

“Surely I have stilled and quieted my soul…” (Psalm 131:2)

Today, amid all the “homemaking” I finally found my Liturgy of the Hours books and even found the time to look up where we are, so tomorrow morning I’ll be able to quiet my soul with the Office of Readings and the Hours — one of my favorite ways to connect with the rest of the world from the peace of prayer. There’s something beautiful about praying the Hours with the world… morning-quiet, the sound of the ocean, and the Psalms… I’m looking forward to it.

Tonight, as I get ready to sleep I’m resting in the knowledge that while life keeps moving on and the world continues its journey around the sun, there’s still time to pause… time for Quiet… time to pray.

…and I’m grateful…

  1. practicing guitar…
  2. singing with my hubby…
  3. baking muffins in our new kitchen…
  4. deer in the front yard…
  5. FaceTiming with family…
  6. Healing Touch level 3…
  7. new friends…
  8. family coming to visit!!!
  9. new vacuum cleaner… :)
  10. walking on the beach with my hubby…

It’s all Grace…