It is an odd thing to begin this new blog.
The space is beginning to feel a little bit like home, but I know it can never be the same. I am not as blind as I once was to the frailties and harsh tendencies of humanity. Yet, I am drawn to be more loving now than I have ever been before. I want to wrap all the hurting — all the damaged and downtrodden souls, all the lonely and forgotten — I want to wrap them all in the loving embrace of kindness… of Love made real.
It is a paradox of sorts I suppose.
After knowing firsthand the harshness that passes itself as truth and right, after seeing what lovelessness is like — you would think the natural reaction would be to protect my soul, to hide away from humanity and shelter myself in the arms of those I know I can trust. That would be understandable… and probably expected.
For a period of time, that’s what I wanted my response to be. I thought it would be the wisest and safest thing for my family if we kept our souls hidden from anything “outside” our known sphere. There was nothing to be gained from putting our hearts and minds in harms way.
But we never really had the chance to completely quarantine ourselves from humanity. We became involved too quickly with helping others — reaching out to those in need of kindness in one way or another, being part of our little country parish, sharing a smile with someone in our little town, living in community with our extended family. And so we began healing without even realizing it… and I find myself where I am now — in this state of wanting to love everyone in spirit and in truth. I want to be the “expression of God’s kindness” to the souls I meet — even if I’m still carrying some anxiety about how they may hurt me.
“It’s in giving that we receive,” as St. Francis’ prayer says… how true.
We’ve been studying with the Lay Missionaries of Charity (the lay order connected to Mother Teresa’s Missionaries of Charity) for quite awhile now, and today we received the revised version of the Statutes and Way of Life. The section on prayer has been really encouraging so far:
“We need to set ourselves again and again on the way of prayer. We shall not wait until we feel the need of it. Many times it is enough that we make a little effort to make a new start, the Lord will bring it to a good end… Prayer renews our life of faith, hope, and love…”
How encouraging is that?! So I will continue to persevere in my small attempts at prayer – that not only my faith and hope may be renewed, but my love as well. With prayer, I will have more love to give my hospice patients, more love to give those who come for foodboxes, more love – more kindness – to pour upon those who cross my path every day… whether family, friend, or foe. :) I may still be on high alert when it comes to interacting with people, but I can always be the loving heart they need.
I’m still learning to do small things with great love…
Bl. Mother Teresa, pray for us…